


Rain

by plausibly



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean - Freeform, Drunk Cas, Drunk Dean, End!verse, M/M, Short, Smoking, The Impala - Freeform, castiel - Freeform, not in a relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-25
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-05-03 06:57:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5281106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plausibly/pseuds/plausibly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel wondered how he had gotten here, watching the sky before the rain and smoking cigarettes with Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rain

Castiel used to enjoy this moment. He used to love the smell of almost-rain, and he used to love the sticky air that wrapped him up like a blanket. He used to love coming out during this time and just sitting down, he used to love listening to the still silence that became the most comforting silence Castiel had ever known. Everybody calls it the calm before the storm, but no one enjoys it, they all rush inside and prepare for the rain. Castiel used to enjoy it, back when he wasn’t human, back when he wasn’t numb all the time.

Now all he did was sit on the hood of the old Impala Dean had smashed up months ago and stare up into gray wondering how long it would be until it rained, how long it would be until he felt the first drop and would have to go inside. Castiel heard the steady creak of metal and he knew who was beside him, so he didn’t look over, just watched the clouds and tried to feel what he used to be able to feel. He heard the swish of liquid, the soft gulp of a swallow, and the scrape of glass on metal.

Castiel reached over, grabbed the beer bottle, and took a long couple of mouthfuls. When he set it down back between them, Dean didn’t look shocked like he used to when Castiel drank, Dean hadn’t looked shocked about anything lately. Infact, he was usually in a state of anti-shock. “Whatcha doing out here Cas?” he slurred, already past drunk. His voice was too loud for the quiet gray clouds and the humid air.

“Trying to get back something I used to have.” Castiel said, deciding that it wouldn’t matter if he told Dean any of this, he wouldn’t remember. He was wasted, although he usually was wasted so this wasn’t anything new.

“Why are ya on the hood of my car?” Dean smacked the metal, then laughed. Castiel looked over, glancing down at the beer bottle and wondering if he should take it away. He didn’t, he just grabbed it and took a sip himself before setting it back down with a smack as loud as Dean’s. “Tryna get drunk, Cas?”

Castiel smiled up at the sky, a sick, little twist of his mouth that would have disgusted himself just a year earlier. “Sure,” he said, “why on earth not?”

Dean returned Castiel’s sick smile then looked to the sky, like he was trying to find what was so interesting up there. Castiel watched him tap his fingers across the hood, the only sound that Castiel could hear, before jerking his attention away.

Castiel closed his eyes slowly, and focused on the sensation of almost-water on his arms and the smell of the sweet grass. He tried to reach for what he used to feel when he did this, that feeling of connection and peace. It wasn’t there, even though it should be even easier now that he was human. Funny that the only thing he found good about humans he couldn’t even feel, he couldn’t feel the simplicity. How he ever felt it as an angel, Castiel didn’t know.

“Cas?” Dean whispered, and Castiel hummed with his eyes closed. “What are you looking for?” He asked.

Castiel opened his eyes and slid them in Dean’s direction, when he found Dean was looking right at him he looked away again. “Simplicity.”

A harsh, vibrating sound came from beside Castiel, paired with the swish of more alcohol. “Good luck.” Dean laughed again. “Nothing’s simple since Sam said yes.”

Castiel’s eyes shot so fast to Dean they could’ve bounced out of his head. Dean hadn’t talked about Sam, since well, since Sam said yes. He must be really drunk, or maybe drunk and high. Is that possible? Castiel didn’t know. For the second time he thought about taking the beer, but he didn’t. He grabbed it and drunk it again, and for the first time, he wished he had something a little stronger.

“Yeah.” Castiel said, wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his shirt. It was such a casual motion that it didn’t fit with such a serious conversation. Castiel was just sober enough to notice that.

“You know, I smashed this car because it reminded me of him.”

Castiel nodded, because what else could you do when the person you dragged from hell is talking about his brother who let the devil use him however he wanted, the brother he hadn’t talked about in months. Castiel said yeah again.

“I used a shovel.”

Castiel didn’t reply to that one, just nodded up at the sky as he imagined Dean yacking at his precious car that he loved more than almost anything in the world, the anger flickering behind his eyes and the heavy breathing and the beer Castiel knew he would have been drinking.

“You know what the worst part of it was?”

Castiel didn’t ask what like someone who was eager for answers, he just turned to Dean, finished off the bottle, and sighed, throwing it into the woods and hearing the smash of the glass and watching the birds escape into the sky.

“I didn’t care after. All that work I had put into that car, all the love, and I didn’t care.”

Castiel ran his hand over the dents in the metal. “Did you care that you didn’t care?” He asked, tapping his finger in the hand-sized dent between the two of them.

Dean looked down at Castiel’s hand, watching. “No,” he whispered. “I don’t care about anything anymore. All I do is get drunk and make useless plans to fix the mess I made.” Castiel opened his mouth to mention that it wasn’t his mess, but the line seemed out of place, and besides, Dean’s downward eyes said that he wanted to say something more. “I - I don’t even care about you.”

Castiel laughed and wrung his hands together. He was drunk, he was so drunk, and he knew it and he could feel it in his system. It never had taken much to get him drunk. “No one cares about me.” He said, reaching over for the nonexistent beer bottle he had already thrown into the woods. “Dammit,” he said, “we’re out of beer.”

“Not drunk enough?”

“Nah.” Castiel smiled over at Dean, and Dean shook his head and yanked out a pack of cigarettes. He took one out, lit it up, and held it up to his lips.

“It’s not beer,” he said, sliding the pack across the hood to Castiel. “but it’ll have to do.”

“Guess so,” Castiel said, lighting one up and leaning back on the hood. He watched his smoke join the gray clouds above him and he watched Dean stare up at the sky, lost words on his lips. Castiel wondered how he had gotten here, watching the sky before the rain and smoking cigarettes with Dean. He wondered what he had done to deserve this, what any of them had done to deserve this.

Castiel flicked his cigarette to the ground and held his hand out for another one.


End file.
